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I will be posting my book, "Narcissistic Abuse, How To Recognize And Escape It," in its entirety one chapter at a time. If you'd like a paperback or kindle copy click on the button to buy from Amazon. Two things I can tell you for certain if you are with a narcissist, you will cry often with true, deep sorrow and you will have emotional wounds.....But you can heal if you want to and are willing to work toward it.

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Dedication

To The Hurting Ones From My Heart To Yours.

What Is A Narcissist?

Chapter 1 Part 1

Dedicated ;
To all those who are trapped in a narcissistic relationship. You can't live that way forever, it will kill you. This book will help you understand the type of abuse a narcissist will inflict on you. Maybe you're in denial and can't bring yourself to say, “I'm being abused.” It's the hardest, saddest thing in the world to realize the one you have loved and tried to have a relationship with, does not love you, has never loved you and is abusing you in many ways. I will elaborate on those types of abuse in this book. There is life beyond the hopelessness you feel and the pain you are enduring. Please read this book with an open mind and heart because it has been written with understanding, compassion and concern from my heart to yours.

What Is A Narcissist?

• They choose themselves overothers (selfishness personified).

• If they do something good for you they want to brag about it and bring it up often to you and to others to show how selfless and good they are to you.

• They make you look small so they can look big.

• They treat their companion like a possession. You exist for their needs and pleasure.

• When they make you cry it satisfies something twisted inside them. They feel powerful.

• They demand total control of your life, every aspect of it.

• They want to know where you are at all times and what you're doing.

• If you want to do something to improve your life or mind they will raise hell until you give up on your needs and dreams. Your life belongs to them.

• They try to separate you from family and friends. They don't want you to have a support system or the love of others.

• They get angry for no apparent reason. They will yell and curse at you and sometimes embarrass you in public or keep you awake all night raging at you for something you don't understand or didn't do.

• They will accuse you of affairs with almost everyone you know and that will probably include spiritual leaders or church acquaintances.

.They might accuse you of homosexual relationships with friends of the same gender. They may even accuse you of knowing and having affairs with total strangers that pass you on the street and smile.

• They will tell others you are having affairs and you neglect them sexually, all untrue.

• They constantly find something to criticize you about. It may be some character flaw or a physical one. The way you dress or your hair. The way you laugh, your lack of a sense of humor or even your name.

• They will share intimate details about your body or the sexual relationship between the two of you, with their family and sometimes with friends or mutual acquaintances.

• They may slam you into a wall while passing or throw something

and hit you then claim it was an accident. It may happen frequently.

What Is A Narcissist?

Chapter 1 Part 2

. They want to hit you but they're afraid you'd leave if they do. If they hurt you by pushing you into a wall or hitting you with an object, they can call it an accident and you will believe them.

• They may physically throw you around, hit you, kick you or choke you. They want you to fear them and know they are in control. You will have a bruised body and heart you feel you must hide from everyone. You are so ashamed.

• They will accuse you of taking their money, you are a thief. Or accuse you of wastefulness while you are pinching pennies and trying to pay all their bills and the whole time they are throwing large amounts of money away on unneeded things.

• They may accuse you of taking drugs.

• If you are seriously ill they will have a nonchalant attitude about it as if they don't really care.

• If you are pregnant, they won't be concerned or protective. They will
go on with their life, basically ignoring you and your needs. They will never thank you for giving them a child.

• They will be hateful at home, speaking disrespectfully to you but
being overly charming to others in public.

WhatIs a Narcissist

Chapter 1 Part 3

• They may accuse you of neglecting them or hurting them physically in some way.

• They will do whatever it takes to turn your children, other family members and friends against you. They will say horrible things behind your back, things you may never know because no one will tell you or ask you about what is going on.

• They will say awful things and make false accusations about you even in front of other people, and then claim they never said it or it was only a joke. You have no sense of humor and you are too sensitive.

• Your whole life will be taken up with drama and chaos. If things are calm they will find a way to create a crisis of some kind. They thrive on confusion and drama.

• They will tell you that you are no longer attractive or never were and no one but them will ever want you or that no one could ever love you like they do.

What Is A Narcissist?

Chapter 1 Part 4

• They will gaslight you continually claiming they didn't say or do things they did and swearing that you said and did things that you didn't.

• They will be sweet and loving to you one minute and raging at you the next. They have no empathy.

• You will learn conflict ends quicker if you stay silent during their rages.

• If during their rage, you try to get away to another room or outside, they will follow you and the rage won't stop until they are finished, leaving you in a state of confusion, pain and exhaustion.

• You will often feel financially insecure because they can't keep a job. You will have to move constantly and have no roots or friends anywhere.

• They can't tolerate anyone having authority over them so there may be problems with their bosses or with the civil authorities. All this will affect you and your life.

• They want to live above their means so people will think they are something they aren't. You may shop at thrift stores but they'll have flashy cars or other status symbols that keep your family financially insecure.

• They may give you an expensive status symbol they can't afford and the same day tell you how worthless you are.

What Is A Narcissist?

Chapter 1 Part 5

•They will make every holiday unbearable, especially if you have
to spend it with their volatile and dysfunctional family.

• They will let you know over and over by the choices they make that their family comes before you and your children.

• If you have a hobby or a craft that you enjoy and are good at, especially if you get attention for what you do or it involves any contact with other people, they will demand that you stop. If you muster the courage to continue, it will cause constant conflict with them and pain for you. They own you.

• Your opinion means nothing to them even if they are making major mistakes that affect you and the family. In time you learn to just keep silent about what they buy and all the bad decisions they make because they'll make you sorry if you express an opinion contrary to theirs. You will have no say so in the direction of your life.

• If you beg them to get counseling they will quickly tell you they have
no problem and you are the problem.

• They may hurt your child, physically or emotionally then claim it was an accident or a joke gone wrong.

• They may hurt or even kill your pet. You are not allowed to love anyone or anything but them.

• If your family visits they will be rude and distant to them. They may treat you terribly and call you names in front of them.They hate anybody you love because they think they own you and your emotions.

•If you do accomplish anything important or are lauded in your field, they will make light of it or laugh at it. Sometimes they ignore it or tell you to stop it.

• They will rage at you and call you dirty names then claim they never
did it or you made them mad and that gave them the right to do what they did. It was all your fault.

• They never take responsibility or own accountability for their errors
or actions. They never apologize and make you feel at fault for
everything wrong in their life.

What Is A Narcissist

Chapter 1 Part 6

• They may secretly follow you when you go somewhere or go through your phone calls and messages.

• They will give you the silent treatment. You may not know why. It can last for days or weeks. They won't speak to you because they want you to think you are not even worthy to talk to.

• If they think you are going to leave they will threaten to kill you (if I can't have you no one else can) or kill themselves and it will be all your fault.

• If you finally leave they will probably refuse to give you spousal

support. You abandoned them, even if in anger, they had repeatedly told you to leave.

• If you have minor children they will threaten to take them away from you with some made up story.

• Court will not be easy, you will be maligned and some of the people they slandered you to through the years may back up their story, based just on what they had been telling them. You will probably lose your adult children. They have most likely brainwashed them against you for years.

• Try to go no contact but if you have to speak to them on the phone due to custody issues or business, they may tell you how much they miss you and how much they will love you forever. They'll bring up the few good memories you had with them or rage at you to play on your emotions.

• They will tell you they can't buy food because of your pittance of support. They're hungry and the dog you adore but had to leave behind, has no food and they have no money to buy any. They are sick and have no one to help them because you left them.

• While refusing your support they may go on lavish spending sprees. New cars, boats, rv's or trips. They may be giving expensive gifts to their new romantic interests. They may flaunt it and hope you learn about it.

What Is A Narcissist?

Chapter 1 Part 7

• They will fail to pay you or they'll pay you a fraction of the support the court ordered them to pay. They think they're above the law.

• They will fight you about everything. They'll demand to keep heirlooms of sentimental value from your family. If they're court ordered to give them to you they'll destroy them and claim they can't be found. Be prepared to leave everything behind.

• They will do whatever they can to be sure you do not prosper or have a good life after leaving them.

• You may have the demeaning experience of going on public assistance (housing, food, health care.) because they have not supported you as the judge ordered. Court hearings are slow and you may have no money until the hearing.

• You may be forced to get a restraining order so they cannot find you or come near you. Protect yourself.

• Any emotional support system you may have needed will most likely be

gone. You've not been allowed to have friends or family and those years are lost forever. They most likely feel no kinship or love for you. You may have been slandered to them by the narcissist and they don't want to even know you anymore. You will have to depend on yourself and be smart enough to remain free and make new friends.

• Go no contact if you possibly can, children can complicate this. Each time you talk to the narcissist is an opportunity for them to play with your mind and emotions. Don't let it happen.

• When court is finished, unless you have children, there is no need to ever talk to the narcissist again. Don't try to be friends. A narcissist will never be your friend. Don't allow them any influence, even the slightest, on your life.

• Go on with your life, you are none of the things they accused you of being. Find yourself, it will take time and effort to really know who you are and what you want in life.

• If they find out where you work they may try to get you fired.

• If they find out you are dating someone, they may go to them and

slander you. If they believe the narcissist's lies, then you don't need

that person anyway.

What Happened To You?

Chapter 2 Part 1

• You blame yourself for wasting years of your life and being fooled into thinking the narcissist loved you. You may feel self-hatred.

• You learned to live in fear. Fear of emotional and physical harm. You won't immediately be free of fear.

• You may have complex PTSD and all the disturbing symptoms that it entails. It may take years to be free of it or to learn to manage it.

• You may be left with neurological or mental disorders like depression, panic attacks, fibromyalgia.

• You will have triggers that cause pain, fear, anger or panic. It may take a long time to master these triggers.

What Happened To You?

Chapter 2 Part 2

• Coming out of a narcissistic relationship you will be afraid that you can never make it on your own because you've been told often that you aren't strong enough or smart enough.

• You will have lost your self esteem. You've been constantly devalued and demeaned by the one who should have loved and uplifted you. You feel inadequate and worthless.

• You have lost your self identity. You spent all your time and energy being what the narcissist needed and wanted you to be. You could never be what they wanted and in the effort you forgot who you were and what you wanted in life.

• You may feel very alone. The few contacts you had before may have

all turned against you, even your family and your children, You may have moved a long distance from everything familiar.

What Happened To You?

Chapter 2 Part 3

. You are so tired. The whole ordeal of living with a narcissist and breaking free, has left you mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted.

• Your memory is not functioning properly and you are finding it very

difficult to make even small decisions. Constant stress has had a negative effect on your brain.

• You often find yourself in fight or flight mode for little or no reason. You lived in that mode when you walked on eggshells while you were with the narcissist. It will take time and conscious effort to overcome it and feel safe.

• Your creativity, if you are an artist, a writer or other creative, may be lost for a time until you can begin to control and lose the raging stress you've been through and are still experiencing in the aftermath.

• You may be having headaches and other bodily pain as your body begins to unwind from the excessive stress and emotional turmoil. Check with your doctor and be honest with them about what you've been through.

• You could experience nightmares or insomnia. Stress does awful things to your body and mind.

• Panic attacks may become a regular thing. They may happen for no good reason or because something or somewhere brings back an unwanted memory of pain or danger. Learn what a panic attack is and how to manage them. The doctor may want you to take a med for them.

What Happened To You?

Chapter 2 Part 4

• You may experience frequent stomach upsets, vomiting or diarrhea. Your digestive system is sensitive to emotional upset. Eat bland, light, frequent meals and see the dr. if it continues.

• Due to excessive stress your immune system may be weakened. You may catch colds, flu or other infections more easily for a time. • Your heart may beat irregularly or actually hurt. You have lost everything you tried to build a life on, especially if you have lost your children. It has been a traumatic experience and it may have gone on for years or decades. It has been an experience emotionally more difficult, traumatic and sadder
than the death of a loved one. Your heart is broken. It will get better in time. Check with your doctor to make sure nothing physical is wrong with your heart. • You have a fear of making new friends and especially of ever being in a loving relationship again. Your trust mechanism has been broken.

• Memories keep coming back to you. They hurt you again and again. You
struggle to forget the past. • Holidays are particularly difficult, especially if you lost your children. • Not only do you have trust issues, when attracted to someone, you find it hard to believe anyone could ever be attracted to or love you. • You're terrified that you'll make another mistake and get involved in another toxic relationship. • Trust in your own maturity, intelligence and intuition has all but been totally destroyed.

• At times you blame yourself for not being able to save the relationship,
not being good enough, smart enough, attractive enough. • You beat yourself up with questions of what you did to fail and what you could have done differently.

• You hate yourself for taking years of abuse and not having enough self respect to leave.

• You grieve deeply because the people you loved did not love you.

• You can't get enough restful sleep, or you just sleep all the time.

• You feel tired and old and sometimes you want to die. • You question your own sanity and maybe even your faith.

• You feel forsaken by everyone, especially those you love deeply, like
your adult children

• The fear can be overwhelming, coupled with the grief. You feel like
you will die under the weight of it.

• You feel forsaken by everyone, especially those you love deeply, like

your adult children. • Overwhelming fear coupled with the grief can make you feel like you will die. under the weight of it.

What To Do For You

Chapter 3 Part 1

What To Do For You

• Go NO contact. Do not talk to the narcissist on the phone, email with them or text. Block them on social media. NO CONTACT will bring some peace to your life.

• Get a divorce. Make sure you get your share of property and wealth.

The sooner the better. It will close a relationship and emotional door. It will send a message to the narcissist that they have no tie or claim remaining on you.

• Rest. When you feel exhausted, rest and don't feel guilty about it.

• Eat nourishing food, even when you don't feel hungry. Take vitamins.

• Take time to relax in long, hot bubble baths or hot showers. Use lavender scented bath products to promote relaxation.

• Don't hesitate to apply for food stamps, housing aid and health care assistance. It will be temporary until you start receiving your court ordered spousal support. Don't be ashamed to do this, you have to survive. These programs exist for such emergencies.

• You will have some nasty, almost unbearable days. Days you'll feel sad or angry, days you'll cry from the pain. Don't be so hard on yourself for what you are feeling. Let those days roll over you and pass. What you are feeling is normal. Deep wounds take time and care to heal.

What To Do For You

Chapter 3 Part 2

• Listen to soft, meditative music to help you relax.

• Play some rock or dance music and dance. It's a great stress reliever.

If you have a dog let them dance with you. Both of you will love it.

• You may have panic attacks that come suddenly and make you feel like you are fainting or having a heart attack or you are actually dying. Get some medical and psychological help.

• Get some counseling, be completely honest about everything with your

psychologist or psychiatrist. Let them know what you've been through and how you are feeling.

• If you need meds for depression or panic attacks, take them. You won't need them forever.

• See your doctor about any physical problems you are having. Body pain,

headaches or digestive issues,. heart palpitations or chest pain, shortness of breath or blackouts.

• Do things you enjoy. Many museums, classes, poetry readings, lectures, craft classes etc, are free.

• Treat yourself to something new that you really admire, it doesn't have to cost much.

• Look up some of your family you may have been forbidden to be close to. If they want a relationship with you fine, if not that's fine too.

• Make new friends, join clubs that interest you or go to church.

What To Do For You

Chapter 3 Part 3

• Do the hobbies you've always enjoyed but had little time for.

Continue with the things you are good at but were prevented from doing by the narcissist.

• If possible and you desire it, go back to school and get a degree in what you have always wanted to do. Begin a new career.

• When your spousal support begins and you can afford it, get a beauty makeover and have a relaxing spa day.

• Buy a new outfit and go out for an evening with friends.

• Get a new pet, especially if you were forced to leave yours behind. The shelters are overrun with precious pets waiting for new homes. If your current living arrangements allow for it, find the pet who is just right for you. One you can love who will give you unconditional love.

• Enjoy the solitude. Take time to meditate and pray. Absorb the tranquility and spiritual strength that flow into you during those times.

• Give thanks that you have no one raging at you and causing chaos in

your life and heart. Bask in peace and quiet.

• If you ever find yourself thinking about any good times you had with the narcissist or missing them, make yourself remember some of the horrible things they did and said to you and give thanks they are out of your life.

• Learn how to shut out disturbing self hatred or guilt by refusing the

negative things others in your past have taught you about yourself. Because they said it, doesn't make it true.

• Your true worth is not measured by the value the narcissist placed on you and you are none of the negative things they called you. Remind yourself often of your God given worth and the Creator's eternal love for you.

What To Do For You

Chapter 3 Part 3

• When the holidays come, decorate. It doesn't have to be much but decorate even a little. Listen to holiday music and watch holiday shows on TV. Don't spend the day alone. Invite friends over for a holiday meal and time spent together. Create a new way to enjoy those special days.

• Push back hard against memories that make you sad. The past is passed. Think of pleasant and joyful things. Live in the present and make it beautiful. Anticipate a wonderful future of freedom, joy, peace and love.

• If there are any objects in your home that bring back the past and make you sad, get rid of them. Don't have anything in your home that hurts your heart.

• Enjoy the freedom of being on your own. Go where you want and do what you want to do. There are no more chains on your life or emotions. Feel free to be friends with whomever you choose.

• Cultivate friendships with those who understand you, appreciate you and lift you up. End friendships and contacts with those who bring you down, even family. Distance yourself from negativity. Learn how to say no and refuse to be disrespected ever again by anyone.

• Concentrate on really knowing and loving yourself. Find your own plan, you no longer have to live under the control and plan of someone else.

• Study affirmative scriptures and spiritual wisdom. Read books about

proven techniques of mental affirmation, developing deeper spiritual growth and loving yourself just as the Creator made you. Learn meditation and yoga.

• Write or journal. Paint or do crafts you enjoy. Express yourself. Learn

new artistic outlets you may be good at.

• Volunteer for a local charity you are passionate about. By helping others you will help yourself.

• Search for your life's purpose then go about fulfilling it. There is only one you and only you can do what you were created to do.

• You know now what you do and do not want in a companion. Don't be afraid to date someone who has the qualities you appreciate and avoid those who don't.

• When you've known each other long enough and the time is right, if you are sure of what you both want, feel safe to start a new loving relationship and family circle.

• Life goes on after leaving a narcissistic relationship. It can be as beautiful and meaningful as you make it. Be determined that you will enjoy the rest of your years. Don't let the sorrow of the past remove or diminish the joy of the present and future.

• Dare to have the courage and determination to live a new and happy life. You deserve it.

• There will still be times of trial and sorrow in the future because that's part of life and being human. Depend on God's Spirit and angels to be with you and comfort you. You have learned to be strong and handle the trials of life well.

• Hold your head up and be proud of yourself, you broke some powerful chains, swam through some deep waters and walked through some tough times to become who you were created to be. You have become a better person who is living a finer life and who has more to offer for the betterment of the world.

• Use what you have learned to help others who are struggling with

similar situations. Use the deep compassion born of suffering to freely give understanding and help to others who are suffering.

• Go live your life in peace, love and joy. Be continually thankful for the

experiences you have lived that have made you strong and compassionate. Be thankful for every moment of freedom. Be thankful to be you because you are a very special and precious person, a needed part of the universe and The Creator's plan. Go bless the Earth and help others break their

chains.

THE END